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What can parents do if they believe their child’s behavior is being caused or exacerbated by the classroom setting?
Whenever a teacher or caregiver tells a parent that his or her child is having chronic behavior problems, the parent should graciously offer to work with the child to get her or him to be more compliant with the rules and more responsive to the staff. They should also ask the teachers to help them understand what specific times during the day, specific physical environments, or specific social groupings tend to be associated with the difficult behavior. If the teachers haven’t paid enough attention to give you a good answer, then your questions--combined with a commitment to do your part in working with your child--should spur them to become more diligent in their observations.
Unwanted behavior is seldom random. Understanding the “triggers” that set it off is a key to reducing the frequency. That is what you are asking the teachers to do. If the worst problems take place in a specific place, such as the block corner, this is a clue that there may be a better way to organize the block corner--or perhaps a better way to control how many children are allowed in that area at the same time. If the problem worsens during meals or snack times, this might point to a need for a different kind of intervention. Is the teacher doing all the serving, so that children are waiting hungrily for second helpings? Perhaps they should purchase small pitchers and platters and let children pass the food around to one another; then the teacher can sit down and enjoy the meal with the children. Is there nothing to do but sit and wait once the children finish their meal? Perhaps there needs to be a quiet option in another corner of the room for those who eat their meal quickly.
If staff members have “done their homework” and can tell you exactly when and where the trouble usually arises, then ask what they have done to adjust the activities, room arrangements, and other aspects of the setting as discussed above. If staff members are resistant or interpret this response as demonstrating that you are a parent who is “in denial” about your child’s serious behavior problems, you might tell them that you read an article many years ago called, “A Good Curriculum Is the Best Behavior Management Plan.” I actually read that article many years ago in Young Children, and the title alone captures an important insight shared by leaders of the fields of early childhood education and child care.
Many of the preschool children I care for spend hours at home playing with video games or watching action-filled video and television shows. I think these kinds of activities contribute to their hyperactive and inattentive behavior. How can I offer other more appropriate activities when these activities are all they are accustomed to and ask for?
It is easy for young children to get mesmerized by the dancing, colorful images that they encounter on a TV screen, a computer monitor, or a Gameboy. That’s why so many parents find these tools useful for keeping young children occupied when they are busy and unable to give enough personal attention. But children are also young enough to be drawn into other activities. The challenge is to make yourself--and your environment--more mesmerizing than a video game. And that is not as difficult to do as you might imagine.
Don’t try to compete head-to-head with video games--for instance, by presenting story books with colorful graphics. Instead, concentrate on capturing the children you work with by concentrating on all the nonvisual dimensions that a video game can’t penetrate. Put out a water table (or even a large plastic basin of water) full of measuring cups, funnels, plastic tubes, and eyedroppers, and show me how many 4-year-olds will demand a video game. Put out play dough, with rolling pins and cookie cutters. Even better--let a group of children mix flour, salt, water, and oil to make their own batch of play dough. And add a food coloring of their choice.
Besides the mesmerizing images and sound tracks, another aspect that attracts youngsters to video games and TV is that they associate them with what “big people” do. So another challenge I give you is to think of curriculum ideas that fall into that same category--but that would benefit children’s development far more than immersing themselves in the digital or video world. Something that scores even higher on the “big people” scale than videos is working with real tools. If you can’t set up an actual workbench or woodworking area, you can bring tools into any activity area--not “children’s tools” but real ones that one of the staff may lend from her or his home or car. Let children learn the difference between flathead and Phillips-head screwdrivers and use them to screw real screws into two-by-fours. Tell them if they follow your instructions and take good care of the screwdrivers, you’ll work your way up to wrenches, pliers, and hammers.
Now, take a look at the more conventional items you have: drawing and other art materials, puzzles, manipulatives, blocks. Have you introduced anything new in the past few months? Children do get bored with materials they’ve already used 50 times. Their developmental needs require new challenges, new mastery. Even if you have a tight budget, you have to find a way of bringing in some items that will be interesting to them.
Here’s one final response to your question. Bring in (or borrow) a camcorder. Take some video of the children building a block tower, playing in the water table, cutting up play dough cookies, or bolting two boards together. Then the next time someone says, “Can’t we watch a video?”, you say, “Sure, let’s pop this one in.” The video will remind them once again that there are more exciting things to do than…watch videos.
I have a group of young boys (4-5 years of age) in my classroom who are very physical and active. Some of their parents want me to let them play soldiers and superheroes to work off their excess energy. That kind of play often escalates into someone getting hurt. What other, more appropriate activities can I offer to this group of young boys?
I would encourage you to incorporate rough-and-tumble play into your curriculum. Rough-and-tumble play can include running, chasing, wrestling, jumping up and down, laughing, and “combat” that doesn’t involve hitting and that doesn’t inflict pain. For a quick idea of what rough-and-tumble is all about (and why it’s healthy), just think about siblings engaging in “pillow fighting.” Pillow fighting is raucous and involves combat, chasing around, laughing, and falling down. It’s all done in a spirit of merriment and mutual respect, and you only need a few minutes of it to discharge an enormous amount of energy and be ready for a quiet activity (typically, going to sleep).
Structured rough-and-tumble play need not lead to injuries or hurt feelings, nor does it encourage aggressive behaviors among the children. In fact, you will most likely find that children who have been given a safe haven for rough-and-tumble play will be less likely to be involved in pushing and shoving or other unwanted physical behaviors.
In an early childhood classroom, child care center, or after-school program, structured rough-and-tumble play might include rolling on mats or on a carpeted area, tossing Nerf balls or other soft items at one another, or timed one-minute wrestling matches, with shoes, jewelry, and belts removed, and clear ground rules (e.g., no poking faces or pulling hair). You can also blend rough-and-tumble elements into dancing, music, costume play, and improvised theatrical performances that may already be a part of your curriculum. You should not think of rough-and-tumble play as something that the whole class engages in at one time. Just as with other activity choices or learning stations, a rough-and-tumble option can be one that small groups of children explore in rotation. No one who is uninterested should be required to try it.
The leading researcher on rough-and-tumble play as a naturally occurring phenomenon among young children is Pellegrini, and he has found that children are much more likely to engage in this kind of play with their friends, not with peers whom they dislike. In any case, you can easily distinguish the difference between rough-and-tumble play and aggressive behavior, and you can intervene to stop to the latter. Pellegrini and other researchers have noted the following differences: Positive and neutral facial expressions are more typical of rough-and-tumble play, while negative facial expressions characterize aggression. Children tend not to use full force in rough-and-tumble play, whereas full force is often seen in aggression. Children are more likely to alternate roles (for example, chased and chaser) in rough-and-tumble play, while aggression generally involves unilateral roles. Children tend to stay together after a bout of play fighting, while they often separate following aggression.
Incorporate rough-and-tumble play for a few minutes frequently. If this is a big departure from your previous curriculum, be sure to keep parents informed about it and be proactive in explaining why it’s healthy for children. You might include a reference to the work of neuroscientist Jaak Panksepp from Bowling Green University, who has this to say about the relationship between hyperactivity and the lack of rough-and-tumble opportunities for young Americans: “The explosion in the diagnosis of ADHD may largely reflect the fact that more and more of our children no longer have adequate spaces and opportunities to express this natural biological need--to play with each other, in vigorous, rough-and-tumble ways, each and every day. Because we now know that play is a regulated process similar to food and water intake, a strong case can be made that children need and desire a certain amount of rough-and-tumble play every day, as do other young mammals...” “Scientists are just beginning to learn about the many ‘fertilizers’ that exist in the brain to promote full neural maturation...Some of these...are activated by specific types of sensory stimulation that may be especially abundant during rough-and-tumble play.” The source is a 1998 article from Current Directions in Psychological Science, titled “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorders, Psychostimulants, and Intolerance of Childhood Playfulness: A Tragedy in the Making?”
Do not reserve rough-and-tumble play for special occasions. And don’t limit rough-and-tumble opportunities to boys or to the children whom you view as having “excess energy.” Offer it to everyone. You’ll be surprised at how enthusiastically some of those compliant little girls will throw Nerf balls at their friends, once you give them permission.
Each morning in my preschool program, we have “group time” to discuss the day’s schedule and activities. A couple of young children will not sit still during this time, which takes 10 to 15 minutes. Is it unreasonable for me to expect preschoolers to sit still during this time each morning?
Most children at age 3 and older are ready to begin enjoying group times with their peers and teachers. But some children have minimal tolerance for the more passive elements of group time or “circle time.” I would encourage you to hold off on “discussing” anything until you’ve offered the children some opportunities to have fun with movement and song.
Start your group time with a song that requires standing up and using gross motor movements. You can begin as soon as the first four or five children arrive in the designated group time area. That will encourage the rest of the children to move along and join you. “The Hokey Pokey” (i.e., “Put your right arm in…”) is probably the best-known among American early childhood centers and has the virtue of helping children learn the parts of their bodies. But there are innumerable others, easily found in resource books of children’s songs, such as “What Can You Do, Punchinello, Funny Fellow?” If you have a small group and a carpeted surface, you can try “Ring-Around-the-Rosies.” That song will conclude with the children sitting down on the carpet or on their individualized carpet squares (once they stop laughing), and they will be ready for the next phase of group time.
Now that the children have used their large muscles, keep them active, entertained, and attentive with a finger play that offers some fine motor activity. Many teachers and parents know “The Eensy Weensy Spider,” “Open, Shut Them,” “Here Sits the Lord Mayor,” “Hickory Dickory Dock,” and “Where Is Thumbkin?” There are dozens of other finger plays that are less well known and equally rewarding. Ask a children’s librarian to help you find some. While doing a finger play--especially an unfamiliar one--sit right next to a child who has a harder time staying engaged with the group or is not as assured in fine motor coordination. Place your hands over hers or his to help form the motions and keep the child engaged.
After engaging in song and body movement, most children from age 3 and up can give you a few minutes of concentration for more cognitive tasks. Be sure to present lessons or materials geared to a variety of learning styles: auditory, visual, tactile (touch), and kinesthetic (movement). This will maximize the chances that everyone can stay engaged and assimilate what you are presenting. For instance, if you are introducing your schedule or activity choices for the day, bring samples of materials from each activity to the group time. Don’t just describe an art project; pass around some pipe cleaners or whatever material you’re using. Don’t just tell them that the dramatic play corner has been turned into a hair salon; let them look at, name, and touch the scissors, the blow dryer, and the combs and brushes. If it isn’t practical to bring some of the materials to the group time (e.g., it will take place in a kitchen and involve baking in an oven), show a photograph instead. All children will benefit from this approach, and if any of the children in your group have attention, impulsivity, developmental, or learning issues, they will benefit especially.
However, even when you have prepared your group for a discussion time by providing movement, song, and finger plays, and then presented your discussion topic in ways designed to appeal to multiple learning styles, you could have a child who is not ready or able to settle down with the others. In that case, another staff member should be ready to offer the child an alternative. Perhaps the child could help prepare materials for something that’s coming up later or accompany the other staff member on a daily routine such as checking the mail in the director’s office, stopping by the kitchen, or getting a mop and bucket. If you’ve engaged the other children in the ways I’ve described, they’ll barely notice their peer’s absence. They’ll be happily engaged in sorting yarn by colors or swapping stories about where they got their most recent haircut.
Is it possible for a 4- or 5-year-old child to have ADHD? How can I tell if very active behavior is outside the range of what is considered “normal” for young children?
The answer to your first question is “yes.” There are thousands of children in the United States being diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) as young as age 4. In most cases, they are treated with stimulant medication (a family of drugs that includes Ritalin). This medication influences their behavior (i.e., helps them to calm down or become more planful in their actions) through its effects on the brain. As a note of cultural comparison, I would add that nowhere else in the world are youngsters in anywhere near such numbers being labeled and treated for this or any similar diagnosis. I would also add that the diagnosis is made on the basis of observed or reported behaviors that demonstrate attention problems, impulsivity/hyperactivity, or both. There is no brain scan, blood analysis, or any other more quantifiable measure associated with the diagnosis.
The fact that a child has been diagnosed with ADHD (and perhaps put on medication) means that in the eyes of the parents and the clinician who made the diagnosis, he or she has exhibited challenges that called for some kind of intervention. But there’s no real benefit in teachers who work with the child thinking of him or her as outside the “normal range” of behavior. In fact, I would suggest that you toss out the concept of “normal” and “abnormal” from your way of thinking about children. Instead, your job--regardless of whether a child has received some kind of behavioral diagnosis--is to consider what elements of your program are working or not working for the child.
There can be many reasons why a child may seem overly active. First, young children need a great deal of physical/motor activity--not only during outdoor play times but throughout the day. Circle times, for instance, should not be too sedentary but should incorporate finger plays, movement, and music. Second, if learning activities are pitched either at a level that the child already has mastered or at a level that is beyond the child’s grasp, they leave a healthy child wishing to escape the situation. Third, teachers and caregivers sometimes react negatively to boyish exuberance (sometimes girlish exuberance too). When they treat typical 4-year-old rambunctiousness as if it were a threat to their control of the classroom, they only succeed in alienating the children and driving them to act out further.
When you are confident that your setting offers many opportunities for physical/motor activity throughout the day, learning experiences that challenge children at their own levels, and a reasonable tolerance for the typical exuberance of some children, and you still find that there are one or two children who just never seem to settle down, then of course you should have a discussion with the children’s families about your concerns. You should seek their support in helping the child understand and respect behavioral boundaries. You might draw up a contract with the focus on specific times of day and specific locations where problems have taken place (e.g., during meal times or on the playground). Such a contract should not emphasize the prohibited behaviors but should enumerate the behaviors that you expect. The very act of working together with the family (and letting the child see that the parents and caregivers are working together to support him or her) is an intervention that may be effective. You can direct this kind of energy to children who need help regardless of whether they have received a label.
How can teachers respond to noncompliant behavior in ways that help reduce it?
Unrealistic expectations by teachers or parents can create a great deal of “noncompliance.” The first rule of thumb is to know the developmental capabilities of the children with whom you are working, as well as the constraints that may be imposed by environmental factors, and try to keep your expectations reasonable.
I like to share the story of a time I was substitute teaching in a middle school in Boston. The students saw me for only one period, so the opportunity for building any kind of relationship was pretty much nonexistent. The teacher had left me instructions to offer a “study hall,” so I wasn’t trying to conduct lessons, just hoping for an orderly, tranquil time until the bell rang for the next period. I put my name on the blackboard, introduced myself as “Mr. Fink,” and explained that we would be having a study time. I set a ground rule that it was all right to speak quietly to the students sitting at the desks closest to you. One boy took it upon himself to provoke me by cupping his hands over his mouth and shouting, “Mr. Stinky! Mr. Stinky!” He wasn’t trying to get my attention; he was just making fun of me. Instead of responding to the provocation of making fun of my name, I simply reminded him of the ground rule. I marched over to his desk and, in a friendly whisper, said, “You may speak quietly to those closest to you. Your voice is way too loud.” I then returned to the front of the room. He soon resumed his provocation, but at a considerably reduced volume. “Mr. Stinky, Mr. Stinky,” he called out in a falsetto. I marched rapidly back toward his desk. No doubt he was expecting to be reprimanded again, perhaps more severely than the previous time. “Thank you,” I said, whispering again. “That’s much better.” I returned to the teacher’s desk without waiting for him to react further. The rest of the period proceeded without any more provocations from him or anyone else.
What lessons from my story apply to working with younger children?
- Set reasonable expectations that most children can meet successfully.
- Provide affirmation to children who respond to your guidance, by thanking them, telling them you’re proud of them, and/or seeking opportunities to provide them with positive attention the next time you see them acting appropriately (i.e., “catch her in the act of good behavior”).
- Maintain your sense of humor and don’t take children’s noncompliance personally.
When you are involved in a setting every day, you have an opportunity to study the patterns of misbehavior. Instead of identifying individual children as “behavior problems,” try to identify whether there are certain times of day or certain locations where misbehavior is occurring repeatedly. If you can associate noncompliant behavior with specific times or places, then you can stop reprimanding children and invest your energy in reducing the frequency of problems by changing certain aspects of the environment.
Typically, for example, some children may become noncompliant at cleanup time or at other transition times. For example: Darren finds it very difficult to stop working on a block structure in which he has invested his soul for 20 or 30 minutes. When you finally prevail on him to stop and put the blocks away, he not only takes his structure down but does so with such ferocity that Diana gets frightened or even physically hurt by a flying block. Now you’re reprimanding Darren for causing pain to his classmate, and perhaps asking him to say something to help repair Diana’s hurt feelings. Meanwhile, his own wounded feelings (He really loved that block tower! You made him destroy it!) will never be acknowledged or repaired. If this is not just a one-time occurrence but a pattern, then you need to consider other ways of approaching cleanup time. Perhaps a teacher can sit with Darren a few minutes before the cleanup transition and help him figure out a way to bring his activity to an end with a positive sense of closure. Perhaps the class needs to designate certain days when block structures can stay standing beyond cleanup time or even (with the cleaning crew’s cooperation) overnight?
When children appear to be noncompliant, always try to ask yourself whether your decisions contributed in any way to this outcome. Some classrooms are arranged in such a way that they are bound to generate behavior challenges. If you put an active play area right next to a library corner, with no adequate partition separating them, you are going to find yourself reprimanding Alfonso for ramming his wooden bus right into Ariella as she sat looking at a Clifford the Big Red Dog book. But that’s not Alfonso’s fault. That’s a predictable outcome of what I call “environmental deficit disorder.” Adults have to take responsibility for arranging environments for children in ways that they can play and learn with all their vibrancy and energy.
If children are expected to sit for several minutes after they’ve already finished their lunch or snack, just because others have not finished, at least one of them is going to find something to do that’s more interesting than sitting. That may be something that looks like “noncompliance.” Actually, that kid is doing you a favor. She or he is telling you, “hey--you’ve got Environmental Deficit Disorder. Do something about it before the rest of the kids catch on.”
Do you have suggestions for special jobs for high-energy children that can help focus their enthusiasm rather than suppress it?
I really like the way you framed that question. Jobs are one of the best ways to help children feel like valuable and contributing members of the community. Children who have been repeatedly given negative feedback for their behavior may come to doubt their own value as community members, and they need that reaffirmation more than others.
The kinds of jobs that might be appropriate vary depending on the age of the children in your group. But children enjoy (among others) cleaning tasks, fixing tasks, pet care tasks, preparation tasks (e.g., preparing materials for activities, preparing the room for naptime), and communication tasks (e.g., delivering messages to other classrooms, answering telephones).
Some children are attracted to equipment or machines that have motors, especially if they make noise. There’s nothing wrong with asking a child as young as 2 years old to assist with the use of a DustBuster or vacuum cleaner, so long as you have carefully inspected for any loose parts or other hazards. A 5-year-old may be able to vacuum a room (or part of a room) with very little help from an adult, and take great pride in doing so.
Other children love water; being in charge of a basin and a sponge to wipe down tables can be a high honor and a great sensory pleasure. Also, water seems to have a calming effect. Even if you have a different method for disinfecting your tables, it is not very costly to purchase a basin and a sponge and let a child who needs that kind of responsibility go to town. He doesn’t need to know how you really clean the tables while he is napping.
Being a teacher’s helper to set out cots is a rite of passage in many early childhood centers. It signals to a child, “Wow! I’m getting so big and strong!” And it makes the children feel great that the teacher has confidence in them to take on such a grown-up task.
Feeding fish, turtles, or gerbils; cleaning cages; and other related tasks are all highly desired in any setting for young children. Even children who seem to have little control over their hands and bodies in relating to their peers often have an intuitive understanding that they must act with greater delicacy in taking care of smaller members of the animal kingdom.
Fixing tasks can be most exciting of all--and also very calming. Next time you find yourself reaching for a Phillips-head screwdriver to tighten the knob on a cabinet drawer or open a battery cover on a battery-powered toy, stop and think about which child who has gotten reprimanded for overly rambunctious behavior lately might really enjoy a chance to work with a real tool. It will take you extra time to do the job, but you will make a big contribution to increasing that child’s sense of engagement and community. You may be surprised at the powers of concentration of a child you thought was impulsive or hyperactive, once you have given that child a chance to work on a job that has obvious value in the “real world.” In the field of special education, we refer to these kinds of tasks as “functionally meaningful.” Whatever we call them, all children need these kinds of opportunities.
I’m a little worried about my daughters. One is 9 years old, and the other is 1 year 8 months old. Each has her own personality. The older one, although she’s had to get used to not being the only child, is very reserved and keeps things to herself. Often, since I’m busy with the baby, it seems like I have less time for my older daughter. The baby still doesn’t talk, and she’s very nervous. (Right now she’s at home instead of at child care.) But that has also affected her relationship with her peers (she’s only with adults). She’s going back to the baby room in January; she can’t concentrate well; and she should already be able to do certain things such as putting cubes one inside the other, identifying her hands and feet, etc. I work outside the home, and if I could work fewer hours, it would be IDEAL!!--but that’s not the case.
How can I be more attentive to my older daughter and teach her to have more confidence and autonomy? Second, for the baby, how can I guide her and use her curiosity about new things to help her concentrate and learn? Thank you, I appreciate it tremendously.
You have only said that your older daughter is reserved and keeps things to herself. There’s not necessarily anything wrong with that. Nine-year-old girls can sometimes go the other direction, becoming cliquish, passing along gossip, and forming and re-forming in-groups and out-groups. Compared to that, being “reserved” sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? But if you think she lacks confidence, I would suggest finding a non-school activity that gives her a chance to make tangible achievements in activities that are unavailable during the school day. Depending on her interests, this could range from a 4-H Club to an art class to volunteering in a preschool to playing on a team or taking a karate class. If you think she would benefit from having your presence, then choose an activity where parents have an active role. In most 4-H Clubs, for instance, parents are always encouraged to take part with their children. (These clubs aren’t just for farm kids--they can be found in many urban and suburban settings, offering a wide range of activities. Call the University of Illinois Cooperative Extension Service.
As for your younger child--20 months is very late for a child to have no language at all. If she is also delayed in acquiring eye-hand coordination and playing with manipulative toys as you suggest, then she might need some extra support. Did you know that children with developmental delays are eligible for early intervention services? And if you are putting her into a child care center, these services can be brought into that environment. If your daughter qualifies, based on a comprehensive evaluation by a team of specialists, then a service coordinator will sit down with you to identify goals and services appropriate for your child and family. If you live in Illinois and you want to locate services in your area, contact the state office:
Illinois Department of Human Services
Bureau of Early Intervention
222 S. College, 2nd floor
Springfield, IL 62704
Telephone: 217-782-1981
Fax: 217-524-6248
TDD/TTY: 217-558-6482
- University of Illinois Cooperative Extension Service
http://urbanext.illinois.edu/4H/whatis.html
I have a 4-year-old son, and he has a terrible temper. He gets mad all the time, and he cries a lot. I don’t know how to calm him down, because I don’t let him have his way in everything. And I give him consequences such as taking away the TV, but it doesn’t work; he still gets mad all the time. At his grandparents’ house, they let him have his way in everything, but when I go against that, they get angry at me. What can I do?
It is helpful to view behavior (and misbehavior) as communication. When your son was 6 months old, I’m sure you looked at it this way. He cried or flailed his little fists, and you tried to figure out what need he was trying to express. Was his diaper wet? Was he hungry? Did he want to be held and rocked? As children mature, they expand their repertoire. They develop the capacity to communicate more directly their wants, needs, and feelings. Then parents and caregivers no longer have to guess what they are saying.
When a child at age 4 throws tantrums, cries, or otherwise fails to use the kinds of direct and clear communication we expect at that age, we need to respond by trying to discern what the child is communicating--just as we would if she or he were a baby. There is nothing to be gained by responding with punishment. Children are doing the best they can and will only become more entrenched if we punish them.
Give your son the benefit of the doubt that there is something underlying his outbursts. Turn yourself into a detective, trying to determine what that is. Most typically, young children become upset because they feel that others have power and control over them and they want to feel a greater sense of power and control. If your son is more content around his grandparents, don’t be so quick to dismiss their approach. You say that they let him have his way in “everything.” But I doubt that is true. Do they let him go outside without a coat when it’s freezing cold? Do they let him hurt them? Do they let him throw food on the floor? I would doubt it. Of course, I am only guessing. But I would bet that the things on which they let him “have his way” are things that do not threaten anyone’s fundamental safety or well-being or even the fundamental decorum of their household. Perhaps they recognize more clearly than you his need to feel empowered.
If I were you, I would buy a new hat or dig out an old hat that I haven’t worn in a long time. Next time he has an angry outburst or begins crying, put on your hat. “OK, now I’m ready to figure out what is troubling you, my little son. I couldn’t figure it out before, but now I have something that’s going to help me.” Wait to see if he asks you, “What?” If he doesn’t, you answer anyway. “My hat. See this hat? It’s my detective hat. I’m a detective who can figure out why a little boy is angry or sad.” Again, wait to see if he responds or shows curiosity. Then, try to be affectionate with him. Try to take him in your arms or on your lap, or at least sit by him with an arm around his shoulder--not an agitated arm, but a tender, loving arm.
If he is physically rejecting (i.e., pushes you away) then don’t react, just move back a step or two. If he asks, “Mommy, why are you doing this?” you answer, “Why? Because I love you. Now that I’m a detective, I see that you have to get your feelings out some way, and I guess this is the best way you figured out so far. I guess you have something on your mind, but you don’t know how to tell me what’s on your mind.”
Leave him plenty of time to think about what you’re saying and to respond. Don’t make him talk about his feelings. If he wants to change the subject, that’s OK. If he stops acting upset, your detective act is succeeding. It’s probably going to be a long time before he’s going to tell you about his feelings. But you have to show great resolve. No more punishments. Think of some rewards for times when things are going well. Think of little things that might be special to him and won’t require much effort or time on your part: Staying up an extra half hour on a weekend night making popcorn together? Letting him pick out an easily made dessert at the store (e.g., a cake mix or chocolate chip cookie dough) and baking together? Sitting with him at the computer for 15 minutes, playing a game on a child-friendly site such as PBSKIDS.org (which has games involving Sesame Street characters)? Be sure to tell him how much you enjoy these times when you are playing and hanging out together in a spirit of peace and togetherness.
If your routine is very structured and controlled, it may be important for your son to see you altering your schedule in order to show your love and attention. But most important, put on that detective hat. And keep that tender loving arm handy.
How do you feel about including children who are autistic in the non-special education classrooms in grades kindergarten through third grade? Do you any resources that I can read?
Once upon a time, leading authorities believed that “special education” was a place, or rather a series of places, including residential institutions, “special” schools, and “special” classrooms within neighborhood schools. These days, educators, clinicians, and parents have a different perspective based on what we call a “new paradigm” (i.e., a new way of looking at an old phenomenon). We say that special education encompasses a range of services, strategies, and supports that can be delivered in any place. That is true not only from kindergarten through third grade but also among younger children in play groups, child care settings, and preschools, and among youngsters and adolescents beyond the age of elementary school.
There are lots of good reasons for including children diagnosed on the autism spectrum in classrooms with their peers. Some of these children may be motivated by observing their peers engaging in communication, play, and learning tasks. Such “peer models” would not be available if these children were assigned to segregated classrooms. Others may be oblivious to peers but might be drawn into aspects of the curriculum and instruction available in regular classrooms. Indeed, the autism spectrum has a great deal of latitude and includes many children who are quite capable of handling or excelling in typical academic tasks.
A parent of a boy “on the spectrum” (as current lingo goes) who we’ll call Eddie recently told me with a chuckle that her son’s third-grade teacher dropped her “dinosaur curriculum” because Eddie’s knowledge of dinosaurs far exceeded the teacher’s and he couldn’t stop himself from offering a stream of corrections and embellishments that she found too distracting. In the past, a child with this kind of inability to read social cues would have found himself being “educated” in a classroom with other children who had similar deficits in social competence. Most likely, the classroom would also have included other students who exhibited these social deficits in combination with cognitive deficits (i.e., some children might have been classified as intellectually impaired or “mentally retarded” as well as having autism). Ask yourself: Would it really benefit a boy like Eddie to be assigned to such a classroom--a classroom in which the only common link the students had to each other was their educational labels, based on their deficits? Ask yourself too: Would the other third-graders have a richer or poorer educational environment with Eddie as part of their classroom?
More important than how you or I might respond to the questions I just posed is knowing what the law requires. The IDEA--the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act--passed under a different name in 1975 and amended most recently in 2004 requires that any child eligible for special education receive a free appropriate public education (FAPE) in the least restrictive environment (LRE) where that child is able to make progress toward his educational goals. The law requires that a decision about each child’s goals and educational placement be made on a case-by-case basis, after reviewing that child’s strengths, learning issues, and needs. The law indicates that goals should embrace not only academic achievement (i.e., literacy, numeracy, social studies, etc.) but also functional areas (i.e., related to routines of daily living). The parents or guardians participate in making these decisions along with a multidisciplinary team from the school district.
Each child on the autism spectrum (like children with other labels) presents a unique set of needs, strengths, and difficulties. There are times when certain children with autism gain very little from exposure to more typically developing peers and could be better off in a more restrictive setting. But this is a conclusion that can only be reached on the basis of studying the particular child and from building consensus among the professionals and the family. Even when such a conclusion is reached, it should be viewed as temporary. Persons with autism aspire to live meaningful lives in neighborhoods and communities along with the rest of us, and schools offer important opportunities for individuals on and off the autism spectrum to become more familiar with each other’s ways of processing information and conducting social relations.
Resources regarding young children with autism are abundant. Many of the leading researchers are involved with the Center for Evidence-Based Practice: Young Children with Challenging Behavior, funded by the U.S. Department of Education, Office of Special Education Programs. As indicated by the name, the center focuses on behavioral issues presented by a wide variety of children, not just those with autism. But the scholars associated with the center include several with considerable past work related to children with autism.
For information about the rights of parents of children with autism or any other types of disabilities, two good organizations that have had national profiles are the PACER Center, based in Minnesota, and the Federation for Children with Special Needs, based in Boston. For Illinois residents, there is also the Autism Society of Illinois.
- Autism Society of Illinois
http://www.autismillinois.org - Center for Evidence-Based Practice: Young Children with Challenging Behavior
http://www.challengingbehavior.org - Federation for Children with Special Needs
http://fcsn.org - PACER Center
http://www.pacer.org
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