Behavior Is Communication

Teachers and caregivers generally know what behaviors they hope to see in preschoolers. When the children’s behavior doesn’t match expectations, it’s tempting to focus on just getting them to stop. However, it can be helpful to view challenging behaviors as communication: “When they act that way, what are they telling us?” This approach can bring insights about individual children. It also helps adults create nurturing environments for all children in preschool or at home.

Be aware of how children’s actions can express their feelings.

A preschooler playing happily with classmates could be communicating positive feelings, such as:

I’m comfortable with these kids.
I can manage this.

Behaviors such as breaking toys, harming others, or withdrawing from the group might communicate difficult and complex feelings, such as:

I must have undivided attention.
I am afraid and must be in control.
I will hurt others as I have been hurt.
I give up. Leave me alone.
I have big feelings and don’t know how to manage them.

Observe and document children’s behaviors.

Notice behavior patterns that suggest specific concerns. For example, a preschooler who frequently takes classmates’ food at snack time may do so because their family does not have enough to eat. There may be other reasons, so avoid making assumptions, but document behavior with care.
Patterns that suggest toxic stress or trauma may signal the need for extra social-emotional support.

Keep in mind that all children need a sense of belonging.

Children need and want positive relationships with adults and peers, even if their behavior seems to show the opposite.
Might a challenging behavior reflect strengths a child can use? For example, do they use several ways to distract classmates while taking their snacks? They may be good at looking ahead and strategizing. Many games also call for strategy-building, and those skills can be used in positive ways in many areas of life.

Show children that you accept their strong emotions.

At the same time, explain that you expect them to respect safety and others’ needs. “Everyone here needs to be safe, including you.”
Encourage children to take charge of strong feelings. “When you get those big feelings, you have choices. You can snuggle in the cozy corner with your headphones or come find me and we’ll take a walk.”

Look for resources with tips for understanding challenging behaviors.

Does your program have a specialist in challenging behaviors? Ask them for suggestions.
Research-based books and online resources about self-regulation and trauma-informed classrooms may also be helpful.