Secure Attachments in Young Children

Attachment is the strong emotional bond between a child and someone who regularly cares for them. Often, that person is a parent or other family member. Children may also form attachments with caregivers outside the family. Attachment relationships form the foundation for emotional and social development. 

How does secure attachment happen?

• Babies are born ready for attachments. A baby’s survival depends on secure bonds with at least one person who reliably responds to their cues with attention, nourishment, and affection. That relationship gives the baby a feeling of security and a sense of belonging.
• Secure attachments may look different in different families and cultures. What they have in common is consistent, positive interaction between babies and caregivers, focused on the children’s needs. 
• Secure attachment may look different for children with chronic illness, developmental delays, or disabilities. Their needs for certain types of care may be on a longer timeline. 

What are some indicators of secure attachment by age?

When considering the lists below, note that ages listed are not exact. These behaviors develop over time.

Infants up to about 12 months

• are soothed by closeness with the familiar caregiver when ill, hurt, or unhappy 
• begin to make eye contact with their caregiver, smile, and make happy sounds 
• begin to prefer their main caregivers to other people
• may become fearful of strangers around 7 months
• may show separation anxiety (for example, fuss when a parent hands them to another caregiver) around 9 months 

Older babies to about 18 months

• rely on the caregiver as their “secure base” when exploring
• imitate what the caregiver does (for example, hold a doll the same way their caregiver cuddles them)
• watch their caregiver’s face and actions to decide how to react to new situations
• may show increased separation anxiety (for example, cry loudly, cling, or try to follow a caregiver who leaves the room)

Toddlers to about 36 months

• continue to rely on the caregiver as a secure base when exploring
• invite caregivers to do things they both enjoy (for example, hand Grandmother a book and ask her to read)
• trust adults to help them meet challenges
• can find ways to cope with separation anxiety, with time and caregiver support

Preschool-age children

• may need time to adjust at childcare or school before separating comfortably from their caregiver 
• make some positive connections with teachers and peers
• seek out a familiar caregiver for comfort and support when hurt, ill, or upset 
• tell trusted adults about their feelings, ideas, and experiences